the problem with crushes

There is nothing more aggravating than a persistent crush. On one hand, it's nice--everyone likes to have butterflies and warm, yummy thoughts about the significant other we want, but on the other, when the crush endures for years at a time, you can't help but get kinda sick of it.

I haven't had too many crushes that last too long, but there were two in particular that always get me going and only one of them is actually worth anything--and I mean that in the most positive way possible because the other guy ended up being a complete turd in almost every sense of the word and I now question my taste in men because I liked him...but the other one, well...he's always been something of a sweetheart and as time has gone on, he has continued to be a complete doll.

I mean, let me lay out the facts for you on this guy: tall, handsome, perfect smile, amazing personality, great taste in music, and a strong faith in God. If I could paint a picture of the man of my dreams, he pretty much embodies the entire thing, but the problem with this scenario? Well...it's not that he has a girlfriend and it's not anything against him, but it's more my own fears.

For one, I'd hate to be disappointed by a lack of chemistry, he and I have been friends for awhile and I've watched him grow into such and amazing person, but at the same token, what if we just don't mesh well romantically? On top of that, I have my own mini insecurities about whether or not I'm "good enough" for him, and not from a Christian perspective, though that has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, but just, good enough at all.

Who knows.

All I understand is that when I see him, I can't help but smile a bit bigger and feel...special. Oh school girl crushes. One day, they'll pass and things will be much easier.