"good enough" isn't good enough

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best." -Oscar Wilde

Love sucks.
Actually, it's not that love sucks, it's that feelings are fickle and I still haven't quite learned how to decipher my own. It's like I'm programmed to hurt people by trying to not hurt them.

Let me explain.

My last few boyfriends, read as: almost all of my ex boyfriends, I didn't want to date...but I didn't really have the heart to say that. I simply really enjoyed their company. I wanted to be around them more than other people and I could be kinda possessive...and I really liked kissing. That's all there was to it. I was a shameless flirt and while I'm not as shameless anymore...well...I'm still a flirt.

When it's all said and done, no matter how much I may say that I would love to find love, I know that I will never actually be satisfied with whatever is given to me because I'm a pretty ungrateful person and I have yet to find someone who can be close to me that doesn't lose my interest within a couple months...and what's worse, the ones that do capture my attention? The ones that don't want me.

But of course. That's how the universe works, you know?

The beauty of the situation is this...I don't really have time for a relationship since I'm in a huge transition...probably one of the biggest of my life since it's kinda starting my entire career...but seeing friends getting engaged, getting married, and having kids--all different friends and all in different stages of life but all between the ages of 20 and 23--has me feeling a bit lonely.

Oh well. I have my career to keep me warm at night.
I just had to type that out to see how lonely it made me feel.
Pretty dang lonely.