1.

It feels like it has been so long since I've written on here…probably because it has been a while. I don't think I'll be posting the rest of my 365, I might post pictures occasionally, but I've found that I don't necessarily have time to edit, decide and then post them here with an explanation as to why this picture means something to me, though it was a fantastically lofty goal, so much for completing something that I start, lol--but I attempted.

I see this blog changing, for the better…less random frivolous posts, probably more posts of some sort of substance, something that I can look back on and have an actually idea of where the heck my head was at.

I'm adoring my job…absolutely loving every little amazing thing about it. Talking to random people, going out on stories, it has all been fantastic. I've only been there a week and I'm just gushing. Seriously. It's a bit ridiculous, that being said, I've been lonely. It comes and goes, nothing too hardcore--but the fact that I live by myself, cook dinner for myself most nights, while empowering to a degree it is also a very somber place for me to be.

I'm still working on making friends out here, lol. I mean, I have my coworkers and I have my former classmates at the other station, but I haven't really met people around my age and I'm at a loss as far as how to do so. That's the thing about moving around a lot but still being in school--you make "friends" easily because you're always around people in your age group.

I got my paperwork for my taxes, I'm actually excited about that. I can use this money to cover some of my expenses--how tragic is it that I'm thinking about expenses and not all the fantastic ways I can spend my money? You want to know how bad it is? Today at work, we each began bragging about all the ways that we save money by cutting off items. How we only will have one light on in the house at a time, how many things we unplug when we leave for work. My coworker managed to have her power bill as low as $40. I haven't even gotten my power bill yet…I'm actually terrified. I can't even lie.

What else is new? Love. Ahhh, love. How can I even? I already addressed this. I'm lonely. The end…but it's not like an I want a boyfriend lonely, it's more of an…I want someone to cuddle with lonely…and that lonely always ends up making me feel cheap because I'm like--yo, I just need to get over it and sleep alone.

I've gotten really good at being alone.
I knew it would take some time, but hey--it works.

adult life

Let's begin by saying "Oh my God, I have so much catching up to do on my Google Reader..." it's kinda ridiculous. Actually...it's more than kinda ridiculous, it's more like around 200 posts that I need to read.

(._. )

How do things get like this? Anyway, it's been a few days since I've posted because I've been on the road from New Jersey to Florida, a lot of packing, a lot of craziness...but, I just wanted to leave a quick update on what's been happening, namely being in Panama City Beach and being super close to being in an apartment! Depending on if I can get a security system installed, that will determine when I move in. I'm super excited. That's all I can say about that.

I'll be writing more soon, but I really should go to sleep.

By the way, it's so weird being in a different time zone. I want to be back on eastern standard time...but alas...that's all.

best big sister ever

Oh yes...I have the best big sister you could possibly have in the world. Why do I say that? Because it's true. One of the most true statements I could ever make. My big sister also works in television, she's at FOX in NY working as an overnight coordinator...she sent me an email yesterday and here's a bit of it that I'd like to remember forever because it reminds me why I'm so blessed to have the family that I do:

First things first, you won't "screw" this up, so get that notion out of your head. You'll mess up, you'll forget things, you'll disagree with management, you'll be youtubeable, but you'll be wonderful. That's already in you! Messing up makes you human and you'll learn quickly from your mistakes. It's not brain surgery and it won't be the end of the world if you make a few mistakes.

Okay, for the new job, it sounds like you're going to be a one-man band, which is a big undertaking. It's a boobie trap for a stressful environment. Since, you know that, you've already fought half the battle, now overcome it. Focus on the bigger picture, don't sweat the small stuff, smile, read the bible daily, condition your mind and condition your heart. There will probably be days when you want to slap the spit out of the mayor or a city councilmember, but always remember to take everything in stride. It's part of the battle of being a journalist and you signed up for it. Will you love it everyday? No. Will everyday be rewarding? No. But, as long as you're in the trenches giving people that voice they don't have, then you've done your job, well that day. It's going to be tough, but you're a fighter and you're officially in the trenches. Embrace those moments.

I truly believe that no one will ever be a better big sister than her. Nope. Not ever.

the ending

I owe pictures for what...the past 2 or 3 days? I don't remember...this week has been a haze.

Today is my last day at work and it's really kinda pointless for me to be here. Honestly, the primary role that I have here for the first five hours of my shift is getting scripts out to the anchors, however the girl replacing me has been coming in during the mornings, so there's been nothing for me to do. This has been good for me as far as reading what's happening in Panama City as well as reading plenty of random blogs that I've been missing out on.

As far as packing goes, almost everything is done. My clothes are all packed up, but I still have to get all my shoes and books together. I'm really unmotivated to do much of anything. I really...just want to sleep. I don't want to drive to NC, I don't want to drive to FL...I'm feeling this sort of random defeat that doesn't really make sense...even as I type this out it doesn't make sense to me. I think I'm just scared of what is about to come, living on my own, being a reporter, for real...it's so much responsibility.

I'm just tired.

There was something else I wanted to say...I forgot it. Maybe it'll come back when I finally post the pics...hopefully today...maybe tomorrow. Ugh. I feel like death. Not really. I just feel like I need sleep...asapedly.

tired

28/365: I feel emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually drained right now...and while I should feel grateful for all that's happening right now, I just...I don't feel anything.

My best guess as to why? I think my period is coming. It's never been like this before though.

Also..my eyelashes look like spider legs...or worse...centipede legs. *gag* I need sleep.