get free

26/365: The two men on this stage are phenomenal...The Musician and The Poet. Last night (which was today according to my camera--woot, because I definitely haven't taken too many pictures today after getting home from my night out) was so much fun. I got to see Tim, one of my dearest guy friends as of late, and treated him to a great dinner at Ms. Tootsie's as a parting gift of sorts. He was more than pleased with getting a free meal and having car service since I was his acting chauffeur, lol.

I was supposed to have Jasmine as my +1 for the performance that I was going to which featured Jaguar Wright, but she dropped last minute. I invited Tim to take her spot, but since The Musician is the one who managed to finagle the arrangement, Tim decided that it was probably not in his best interest to show up as my date, so I arrived solo.

Once I arrived, I shuffled my way to the front and stood diagonal to where The Musician was playing...it took him about ten minutes to realize that I was in the crowd, but once he saw me he smiled and waved at me, to wich all the other girls that were sitting near where I stood turned to look at me. A little later in the night, I turned and saw The Poet standing to my side. We met over the summer when I went to an open mic event (which was incredibly dope) and he and I had since followed each other on Twitter and became friends on Facebook, though our interaction was minimal at best. I gave him a big hug, told him about my new job and we chatted a bit before he made a casual comment about The Musician and how it was...I suppose kinda obvious that there was something between us. He asked if we were dating and I said, "no, no...we're just friends," which is the truth, but he chuckled while pointing out that my cheeks were slightly flushed to which I replied that the makeup that I was wearing clearly had him mistaken.

It was a great night. The Poet performed a love poem that was just...amazing, The Musician rocked out with his bass and kept his attention on me, casually making goofy faces and responding to my expressions whenever the host would make some sort of offhand comment about sex or drinking. Afterwards, I spoke with The Poet where he admitted that he didn't realize my age (he's 32) and said that he wished me the best of luck with my career before noting it was definitely the right look for me since I had such a beautiful face and such gorgeous skin *blushblushblush* lol.

Afterwards, The Musician and I went out to a bar where all the craziness of the night truly played out...it was hilarious, definitely one of the top times out for me, probably because I was with him. He said he would come visit me in PCB. We'll see what happens with that.

"good enough" isn't good enough

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best." -Oscar Wilde

Love sucks.
Actually, it's not that love sucks, it's that feelings are fickle and I still haven't quite learned how to decipher my own. It's like I'm programmed to hurt people by trying to not hurt them.

Let me explain.

My last few boyfriends, read as: almost all of my ex boyfriends, I didn't want to date...but I didn't really have the heart to say that. I simply really enjoyed their company. I wanted to be around them more than other people and I could be kinda possessive...and I really liked kissing. That's all there was to it. I was a shameless flirt and while I'm not as shameless anymore...well...I'm still a flirt.

When it's all said and done, no matter how much I may say that I would love to find love, I know that I will never actually be satisfied with whatever is given to me because I'm a pretty ungrateful person and I have yet to find someone who can be close to me that doesn't lose my interest within a couple months...and what's worse, the ones that do capture my attention? The ones that don't want me.

But of course. That's how the universe works, you know?

The beauty of the situation is this...I don't really have time for a relationship since I'm in a huge transition...probably one of the biggest of my life since it's kinda starting my entire career...but seeing friends getting engaged, getting married, and having kids--all different friends and all in different stages of life but all between the ages of 20 and 23--has me feeling a bit lonely.

Oh well. I have my career to keep me warm at night.
I just had to type that out to see how lonely it made me feel.
Pretty dang lonely.

fists of fury

21/365: Today has been ridiculously hectic, but thankfully it slowed down significantly around 3:30 when The Producer asked me if I'd be available to pick him up from the airport since he was coming in from North Carolina and I had already stated that we needed to get together to celebrate my new job. His flight was scheduled to come in at 5 pm and I was more than pleased to be there to welcome him without any plans on how we would spend the rest of our time together.

As luck would have it, he's handy with his cellphone and after putting in some random information we were off to get some yummy pho and enjoy one another's company. After a couple hours together, we (meaning I) decided we should get dessert and we went to Max Brenner and that is how this picture came to be. I'm not even completely sure what it was called (because we got the sharing fondue platter which was way too much, but do I care? No. Not one bit.) but it was the best part of the entire dessert.

So. Freaking. Good.

Strawberries, ice cream, a waffle, blue berries, powdered sugar? Ugh. Heavenly.

It was just a great night out...we stayed until around 9 because I have work in the am and Lord knows I need whatever sleep I can get, especially since tomorrow might end up being a late night too with the company party--did someone say open bar?

Oh. I'm in there.

In more serious news about the whole man situation, I'm kinda at a loss for what's about to happen. In 3 weeks, I'll be in another state and well...that's just how life goes sometimes. The Producer and I might go away this weekend...we'll see what if things work out, but if they do it's sure to be a great time.

I won't address the fact that I got all emotional because of a song and almost cried in the car though. Nope. We won't go into details about that...until tomorrow. Or something, lol.

"where cynicism meets pragmatism."

17/365: There were so many pictures I could use for today's 365er...but in the end this one won out because of the circumstances. 

Today has been amazing, I don't know if it's because it's Friday or if it's because I had a burrito for breakfast with cran-grape juice rather than my mint hot chocolate and sugar raised donut, but overall it was just an amazingly great day full of insightful conversations with The Producer...that's what I'll call him...I mean, that's what he is, lol.

Anyway, after a great day at work where I got to meet some of the cheering squad from the Sixers (by the way, whoohoo for our victory today, I'm a Philadelphia girl through and through when it comes down to the sports) and take some great pictures of the sun rising over Center City, he and I made plans to grab a lunch and met at this quaint little place called Euphoria where we got these pressed sandwiches and some tea (Arizona iced for me and normal, hot tea for him, lol) before settling down in on the couches and having what would turn into a 6 hour conversation where we discussed everything from his movies and my career ambitions to my doubts about love and our interesting family backgrounds to the most important part of the conversation: what a producer actually does in a movie.

It would suffice to say that we had a great time and the conversation was a great way to really see deeper into what he is about and of course that presents opportunities for us to bump heads--which we did...and since we're still in the cutesy frame of our...thing (?) we just bounced off and made it into jokes and sarcasm which has made our time together been quite entertaining. All that being said, I'm happy with what's going on with that situation, we don't see eye-to-eye on everything, but we see enough to have a good time together.

the problem with crushes

There is nothing more aggravating than a persistent crush. On one hand, it's nice--everyone likes to have butterflies and warm, yummy thoughts about the significant other we want, but on the other, when the crush endures for years at a time, you can't help but get kinda sick of it.

I haven't had too many crushes that last too long, but there were two in particular that always get me going and only one of them is actually worth anything--and I mean that in the most positive way possible because the other guy ended up being a complete turd in almost every sense of the word and I now question my taste in men because I liked him...but the other one, well...he's always been something of a sweetheart and as time has gone on, he has continued to be a complete doll.

I mean, let me lay out the facts for you on this guy: tall, handsome, perfect smile, amazing personality, great taste in music, and a strong faith in God. If I could paint a picture of the man of my dreams, he pretty much embodies the entire thing, but the problem with this scenario? Well...it's not that he has a girlfriend and it's not anything against him, but it's more my own fears.

For one, I'd hate to be disappointed by a lack of chemistry, he and I have been friends for awhile and I've watched him grow into such and amazing person, but at the same token, what if we just don't mesh well romantically? On top of that, I have my own mini insecurities about whether or not I'm "good enough" for him, and not from a Christian perspective, though that has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, but just, good enough at all.

Who knows.

All I understand is that when I see him, I can't help but smile a bit bigger and feel...special. Oh school girl crushes. One day, they'll pass and things will be much easier.

late gifts

I debated long and hard whether or not I really wanted this picture to represent today…I mean, it is the last day of the year, generally the picture one would assume is being taken has more to do with the celebration the person is having or the end of their year or whatever else, but I really wanted to take this picture because it has some meaning and who knows, maybe it'll end up being a perfect way to end the year because it stands for a possible new beginning? Who knows, let me not read too far into it. Anyway...onto the picture:

11/365: I refuse to ever say that good men who listen, have manners, and possess a good sense of humor don't exist. They do. In real, every day life. I received a Christmas gift from my date last night that proved his genuine interest in me (though that wasn't something I was questioning) and showed that he truly, honestly listens...and truth be told, I made it easy...but that's neither here nor there. 

This is my first Christmas gift from a man who is interested in me--or at least the first one that has had enough impact that I know I'll want to remember it. Francine Rivers is one of my favorite authors, her books are based on Biblical history and made into Christian literature and they are hard hitting, my favorite being Redeeming Love--super amazing. Anyway, this book has five novellas that each tell a story about a woman that God chose, in this case the subjects are Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary...of the five, I'm most looking forward to Rahab and Bathsheba. 

I'm really looking forward to reading this and I'm also looking forward to what happens with this man. As far as what I'm doing for New Year's Eve, well this also kinda ties into my plan since the only thing I have planned for sure is going to church with my sister though I'm sure we'll have other things that we'll be doing afterwards. All that being said, I hope you have a great time celebrating the new year! I might be posting some more stuff today, we'll see what the day has in store by way of having time for anything else. 

breakfast love

7/365: I'm sure I'll eventually start posting pictures that aren't just for the 365er, but for now, I'm just happy to have made it through a week! Mini victories people, many victories come from seeing mini victories.

So, story behind this picture…this morning Mr. B and I met up for a breakfast date (because he owed me a meal) and we went to a local diner. It was a nice way to start the day, I ordered a breakfast combo not realizing just how much food I'd be getting--needless to say, it was far too much and I brought the best part home (untouched) for my younger sister to enjoy: cinnamon raisin french toast. Mr. B and I talked about his trip back to Atlanta, the sad state of music today, our grandparents (since we're childhood friends) among other things…he actually is probably back in Atlanta now.

At the end of the date he took a picture of us on his cellphone and gave me a kiss on the cheek, it was nice. He's a handsome fellow with long, lovely eyelashes and a smile that makes me melt just a little bit--but it's not okay to lust after him, he's a taken man…so I won't.

Remember, I'm not the homewrecking type.

The bible is a hot book.

4/365: So, yesterday I gave a brief synopsis of what my day entailed.

Yesterday started off with a date with an ex-flame, Mack. Probably one of my favorite formers because he's an all around sweet guy who I can discuss my current dating life with to get input from a guy who won't judge me too harshly.

We went out to get Chinese food and then he brought me home to pick up money from my parents to get gift cards from one of my favorite restaurants...then he went through the lovely process of driving me over there and then we went inside and had drinks and dessert, all on his dime, before I had to go over to church to run media. It was a blast.

So after working at church for 4 hours, I was ready to relax, but then I got a text from a family friend, Mr. B. Now, Mr. B is someone that I had a crush on at one point, but it's one of those pointless crushes because he has a girlfriend and I'm not the homewrecking type. That being said, he owed me a date and a still owes me a meal which I'll be cashing in on Monday or Tuesday morning.

So last night we went to the movies for the 9:35 pm showing of The Sitter which was incredibly inappropriate and therefore hilarious...however, the movie didn't start (as in PREVIEWS) until about 10:30 pm. Yes. We all sat in the movie theatre for almost an hour waiting for the movie to start and they had the COLOSSAL nerve to play the previews still. (._.)

However, because of our patience, we all scored free passes to see a movie and it's good until Sept. 2012, so I'll be cashing in on this soon enough. Score.

my first

By technical standards, this picture is on time. I took it yesterday and somehow forgot to post it--my procrastination is a real problem. Anyway, this is my first picture for my 365 project, it's me, plain and simple, and it makes sense that this would be my first picture, I mean, it's my blog, it's about me, and the pictures are showing me so it just...I'm not sure why I'm explaining this to you, but anyway, this is just one thing that I'm going to finish in this year-long period and I cannot wait.

In other news, my date last night went well and he continues to prove to me that chivalry isn't dead. Never have I ever had the opportunity to be so spoiled and it's great. It's funny because he's showing me the difference between saying you're a "nice guy" and what it means to actually be a nice guy. So many dudes seem to think that being a nice guy means giving the girl whatever she wants, but that's being a doormat. Crazy. I've dated many doormats in my day and while that's a lot of fun to an extent, it's also a good amount of work, why? Well...dating someone who doesn't have their own brain can be annoying. If you're just going along with whatever I say, I get bored and this guy, he's not that. He's shown me that when it comes down to it, a nice guy is really just a gentleman. Period. He has truly raised the bar on what I expect and want out of a man and thanks to him, if our third date is our last, I may never be happy again because I've yet to meet a man who steps up in the way this guy does.

Great.