best big sister ever

Oh yes...I have the best big sister you could possibly have in the world. Why do I say that? Because it's true. One of the most true statements I could ever make. My big sister also works in television, she's at FOX in NY working as an overnight coordinator...she sent me an email yesterday and here's a bit of it that I'd like to remember forever because it reminds me why I'm so blessed to have the family that I do:

First things first, you won't "screw" this up, so get that notion out of your head. You'll mess up, you'll forget things, you'll disagree with management, you'll be youtubeable, but you'll be wonderful. That's already in you! Messing up makes you human and you'll learn quickly from your mistakes. It's not brain surgery and it won't be the end of the world if you make a few mistakes.

Okay, for the new job, it sounds like you're going to be a one-man band, which is a big undertaking. It's a boobie trap for a stressful environment. Since, you know that, you've already fought half the battle, now overcome it. Focus on the bigger picture, don't sweat the small stuff, smile, read the bible daily, condition your mind and condition your heart. There will probably be days when you want to slap the spit out of the mayor or a city councilmember, but always remember to take everything in stride. It's part of the battle of being a journalist and you signed up for it. Will you love it everyday? No. Will everyday be rewarding? No. But, as long as you're in the trenches giving people that voice they don't have, then you've done your job, well that day. It's going to be tough, but you're a fighter and you're officially in the trenches. Embrace those moments.

I truly believe that no one will ever be a better big sister than her. Nope. Not ever.

cluttered

18/365: Today's picture doesn't have a story. I've spent the majority of the day split between listening to music I'd never heard of before and reading...both of those endeavors were successful as I'm now halfway through The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society after hardly scarcely touching it since picking it up and finding so many amazing songs that I love.

I've been working at doing things that I enjoy, and one of those things just happens to be doing nothing. I did my hair and sat around the house in my robe and just smiled all day as I read and listened to music--to some it might be a waste of a day but for me, it was just calming. I spoke to one of my best friends on the phone and we discussed work, love, and some other more random things--like modern day interpretations of biblical stories, trust me, it got kinda ridiculous.

Anyway, about the picture...since my parents and sister left to go back to North Carolina, I haven't moved out of the middle room. Some background: as soon as I moved into my grandparent's place, I took up residence in my mother's old room. It's the first room you can go into once you come up the stairs and has a decent amount of space, it's very grown up. The middle room is my old room. It's always been a bit cluttered. There's old dolls on the dresser, stuffed animals, and then there's the fact that once we moved out, my grandmother moved all of her stuff in, so there's boxes and the closet and drawers are full. The middle room is also really small, so the clutter just jams everything right up against well...everything.

Normally, once my parents visit, I'm relegated to the middle room which is shared with my younger sister (I swear, there is no room to walk when the both of us are in this room...it's just too much stuff everywhere) and then once they leave, I move back into the other room. For whatever reason, I didn't do that yet and they've been gone a week now. It's...weird.

Anyway, while looking around this ultra dirty, ultra unorganized room I laid my eyes on a box. I've seen it several times, but I never really paid much attention to it. In fact, I couldn't tell you what pictures are on the other side of it. I know the one facing the bed (the focus of the picture) is a picture of my mother and the one next to it is my great-grandmother I think, but for some reason I never want to touch anything in the room. I never touch the dolls, if I do, it's almost like I'm scared--terrified that I'll ruin something. The only things I touch in the room are the things that I brought into it.

The more I think about that, the more awkward it is to me. So yeah...that's today's picture. I'm just going to sit and muse about how scared I am to break anything I touch.

guilty pleasures

9/365: In a past life, I like to believe that I was a food photographer…it's like I see food, I want my camera, it just happens. I have so many pictures from lunch with my mom today that it's kinda ridiculous.

Anyway…today my mother and I went to Seasons 52 for a lunch date. Let me just say, that the relationship I have with my mother is near and dear to my heart. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but at this point in life, we've determined it's a lot easier to just accept the things we have in common rather than harp on the things we disagree upon, for example, rather than argue about my choice of men, we discuss our shared guilty pleasure of Rihanna's Talk that Talk.

This was my mother's first time at this particular spot which happens to be one of my favorite places to eat in the area, so I made sure to ensure she had a good time. After a drink, we had a long talk about jobs, boys, family stuff, and plenty more but what really stuck out to me in our conversation was an idea my mom had about why things hadn't been working out with me landing a job.

My family is pretty spiritual, we have a deep faith in who God is, what He can do, and what He will do--plain and simple. We aren't perfect, we don't claim to be, but that's what we believe in, and my mother threw something at me that made sense. Generally speaking, you hear the phrase, God won't put more on me than I can bear, and my mom said, what if I'm blocking my blessing by not making the preparations I need to in order to survive. Let's be clear, regardless of whether you rock with the Big Man upstairs or not, my mom had a point. If I were to get a job anywhere right now, I'd be in a piss poor position.

I have no money saved, very little in my checking right now, and if I were to get a job tomorrow, there would be no money to put down on a deposit, no money to move all my stuff, nor would there be a way for me to eat. When you say that that situation would be too much for little ol' me to bear--you wouldn't be too far from the truth.

In lieu of this whole conversation, we came to the conclusion that in the grand scheme of things, if I wanted something to happen for my life, I really needed to push for it, fight for it, but even more important, I needed to prepare for it.

P.S. If everything goes well this weekend, I might have an aweeeesome story for y'all next week about my participation in something really big! I'm actually more than a little bit excited. :)

tin tin and other family friendly things

I've been to the movies three times this week, thankfully not on my own dime, especially when you consider how expensive these things are getting. Today, my grandfather suggested I take my younger sister out to the movies, so I decided to watch The Adventures of Tin-Tin with her. Quite an enjoyable flick, cute and fast paced to keep your attention…almost too fast paced at the beginning, of course, I've never read the comic so maybe it's supposed to be like that? Regardless, it was a treat to watch.

…and from previews, I can tell that I'll be going broke in 2012 with all the movies that I'll be seeing, very exciting! I love, love, love movies, so I'm excited to get to check some out as well as get some good reading done.

I decided that another thing I should tack on my to-do list with resolutions is having a better relationship with family and friends. I'm actually really terrible at communicating, which is comical to me considering my desire to be a journalist, but I would like to get better. I blame it on my tendency to get bored with people. I hate talking to people on the phone, I don't necessarily even like being around people, not unless there's a purpose behind our being together--I suppose that would make me anti-social, but I would never be characterized as such because I seem really pleasant around others. Anyway, I decided to try my hand at being a better big sister and introduced my sister to Linkin Park, circa their Hybrid Theory days--sigh, back when things were easy. To my delight, she loves them. Thank you, Lord--because if she didn't, I might have to disown her.

big sister bonding

6/365: I've been super blessed to have an amazing family that supports me in pretty much everything I do, but I don't get to see them all that much since I graduated from high school. Upon graduating from college, I was able to move in with my grandparents and that was great, an awesome arrangement that has lead to many great discoveries about myself and my abilities…all that aside though, I do miss having time with my sisters.

I have 4 sisters, all but 2 have different parent combinations and should my now separated father and step-mother decide to make more children with other people, well…the family tree of siblings will just grow more. Today, I tried to spend more time with one of my younger sisters, Aaliyah. She fought the reading bug for awhile, but it has finally grabbed her enough and now I've got her reading The Hunger Games on her new Kindle in preparation for the movie. We went shopping (or at least attempted to) earlier today before linking up with family to see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, which was pretty…impossible. The plot of the story at least.

All that being said, today was a good day. Plenty of giggles to go along with my not so happy time that I blogged about a bit earlier…but such is life.

SN: I got in contact with the guy…and now we're talking tomorrow morning. We shall see!